i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
