At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
