I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
