sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
