I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
