I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
