blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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