hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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