I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
