Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
