So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
