i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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