It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
