I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
