I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
