After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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