Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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