What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
