U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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