i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
be right there i have to get my cape
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
