no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
