I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Randomize
