Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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