I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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