you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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