It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
babies were throwing up all over the place
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
