there's paper in my vomit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
