Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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