I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
