we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
