i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
