If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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