3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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