and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
