when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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