She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
