just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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