We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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