i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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