I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The best revenge is premature balding
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
