Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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