"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
