Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
