im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
