Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
