I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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