Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
