Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
