No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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