You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
