Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
