eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
