one two three fourrrrnication!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
