Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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