Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
