Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
