Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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