K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
where does the pee come out of this thing
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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