Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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