Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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