from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
