Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
