his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
