you would pick up someone in the library
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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