Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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