fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
