So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize