Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
