I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're too hungover to prance.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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