I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
