Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
