I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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