Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
