am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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