I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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