Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
