I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
