Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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