Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
